February 6, 2008
Years in the Making
Every so often, I get so angry I can’t move. It’s like the fight or flight response went into overdrive and fury just paralyzes me. Breathing and the beating of my heart feel like the only areas that my body is attending to, and both are a struggle. My fingers are just becoming mobile again, and it struck me that I’d better vent via writing, lest I make a poor decision IRL.
2 days ago the nightmares returned. Since my teen years I only ever have nightmares about one thing: the people whom I am tied to by blood. I’m gunna leave it at that. This is a note to self and a warning, all wrapped up in one.
I say, for the bajillionth time: We are through, and I am leaving. I am never good enough for you, and you have never loved me. Go away and never come back. I’m not one of you anymore.