March 20, 2008
This is Right and True
Development of Habit. Proper Perspective. These things change us. They have changed me.
T’was a time when all was habitually perceived as bleak. On more than a few occasions this is still true. However, on the whole, this is no longer the case. The more time passes, I see the balance shift in favor of positivity and good habits. Most of the time- and this is a reminder to self- I feel ALIVE and abuzz with endless possibilities. All throughout the day, I am writing and typing and actually working on ideas. It feels wonderful. The way I think life is supposed to feel. Like an expansive candy store. But more than that, too. In those times of feeling like a repository for genius plans, I also feel something unifying that connects me and everything else. The Blanket Thing, as I Heart Huckabees phrased it. Isn’t that interesting? And encouraging? In the recently read Deathhunter, the main character spoke of feeling an “oceanic unity” when he almost drowned as a child. The phrase was repeated throughout the story, and has stuck with me. It was a bliss not known in normal life; one that hinted at the perfection that lay just ahead. I wonder if humans experience these feelings of oneness when they are on the trail of something absolutely right and true. Hah, another phrase I have taken to using a lot lately. I tell Sean, “It may seen indulgent, but I am positive that those mountain of cookies we just ate were right and true so I regret nothing.” My, but that sounds far out of context. It just means A #1 appropriate truth that couldn’t be any other way.
And so today I celebrate having a brain that works so fervently to push boundaries and create things that are authentic. I can scarcely begin a sliver of the projects that I imagine, but that’s what all the years ahead of me are for. Chip away every day: this is my newly discovered joy.