November 16, 2007
Stream
Just past the halfway mark. Still lagging, just hit 18,000 words with 20,000 as the goal for today. My God, the speed with which I reach mile markers is for once one that I appreciate. Seconds ago my jaw hung gaping at the 10,000 word count at the bottom of my screen. Probably, most likely, the longest single piece of fiction I have written. Short stories, like uncaring metaphors for my deepest fears, have always been easy. Long form anything… now that’s work. Bravery. Strength. Growth.
Wendy became set dressing the moment after her creation. Sebastian rocketed from interesting to absolutely magnetic. Whatever will become of them and Sara? What awaits on that train? Back east? Who’s New York number is sitting on her phone like a time bomb from the past? Will she bring a bag full of pills and other uglies, or no luggage at all? What is dear Sara/Kenna’s problem, and is it hers alone?
What’s both maddening and magic is that “I” know all the answers to these questions, but divulge them in perfect time. One part of my brain keeps the wall up, delivering a stream of plot at about the speed of my typing. I’m not writing this book alone, and yet I’m the only one on the project. Sara/Kenna gets it. Assuming I let this novel see the light of day, I think others might get it, too. Well, we’ll see.
I slept in until 11:30 this morning. No idea how it happened. Old dreams of familial strife reappeared. Why am I always screaming? Why is no one ever listening? Next week is Thanksgiving. I dislike holidays. Every year I think about fasting or helping others. Both ideas are executed for their sheer unoriginality. But lately, letting the stupid ideas live for a while, as long as they’re green-lighted by ye olde gut, has proved a fantastic tactic. Fan-Tactic? Ugh.
I’m seeing everything through a new lens lately, but you’ve never escaped my eye. Nothing, no one, ever. Even in my years of silence, nothing fades. The Big Picture is so important to me. You’re so very important to me. YES, YOU.
UPDATE: 9:36PM and I’m done @ 20,0012 words. Better than drugs. (But even better with drugs.)